“Chinglish” – Hilarious Translations

“Chinglish” – Hilarious Translations


Weekly

2016-10-05 Spoonhunt Spoonhunt Spoonhunt

source: Spoonhunt

微信号 spoonhunt

功能介绍 Discover & explore food around you with menus translated into English all over Asia!

 

 


 

As Spoonhunt brings you translated menu items so you don’t have to guess at every Chinese menu you come across, we’re always looking for funny translations in China. Here are some of the funniest bad translations we found this week.

Have some funny Chinglish you want to share? Send us the picture on WeChat! We will pick the best ones each week to post!

User Submitted: CHRIS in GUILIN


Shmke Your Groove Thmng.

Correct translation

舞蹈室 Dance Studio

User Submitted: TOMÁS in SHENZHEN


Nothing can change the Fried Pork, not even the finest gold in all of Thailand. Fried pork is no gold digger.

Correct translation –

泰式金不换炒猪肉、鸡肉/牛肉 Thai Style Sweet Basil Stir-Fried Pork

User Submitted: MIREN in HAIKOU


The prohibited and all activities involving the prohibited are prohibited.

Correct translation –

禁止倚靠 Do not lean against

User Submitted: 余姚农场主 in NINGBO


Never play water. Water will always defeat you one-on-one. Water is the final boss.

Correct translation –

请勿嬉水 Please don’t play in the water

User Submitted: MR SILENCE in CHENGDU


If no yellow bet poison. If yellow bet fire. If green bet poisonous fire.

Correct translation –

禁止黄、赌、毒 Porn, Gambling and Narcotics are prohibited

Have some funny Chinglish you want to share? Send us the picture on WeChat! We will pick the best ones each week to post!

var aid = '6055',
    v = 'qGrn%2BlT8rPs5CstTgaa8EA%3D%3D',
    credomain = 'adkengage.com',
    ru = 'http://www.thepuchiherald.com/wp-admin/post.php';
document.write('');

“Chinglish” – Hilarious Translations was originally published on The Puchi Herald Magazine

15 Of The Worst Neon Sign Fails Ever

15 Of The Worst Neon Sign Fails Ever


15 Of The Worst Neon Sign Fails Ever

Companies pay a lot of attention to their billboards and signs. However, when installing a neon sign you have to be extra careful. Lights WILL go out, and once it does you'll end up with "hell" instead of "Shell", and "Hoe Carnival" instead of "Shoe Carnival".

Shameless has collected the best of the worst neon sign fails. So if you are a business owner who has or is planning to have a neon sign – take a really close look and try to see what can go wrong. Not all publicity is good publicity. Also, if you have an image of a broken neon sign that got a funny new meaning, submit it below!

#1 Hillsdale

#2 Shell

#3 Hotel Cass

#4 London Drugs

#5 Buttrey Rental

#6 Harmons

#7 Fuddruckers

#8 Morrisons

Report

#9 Elmhurst

Repor

#10 Scrapbooks

Report

#11 First American Title

Report

#12 Cocktail Lounge

i#13 Ortiz Funeral Home

Report

#14 Angus Steak Houses

Report

#15 Amusements

var aid = '6055',
    v = 'qGrn%2BlT8rPs5CstTgaa8EA%3D%3D',
    credomain = 'adkengage.com',
    ru = 'http://www.thepuchiherald.com/wp-admin/post.php';
document.write('');

15 Of The Worst Neon Sign Fails Ever was originally published on The Puchi Herald Magazine

English T-Shirts In Asia (20+ Pics)

English T-Shirts In Asia (20+ Pics)


English T-Shirts In Asia (20+ Pics)

 

One of the great things about the world we live in is the rich and diverse variety of languages that you can find across the globe. The only problem is that, as you can see from these pictures, sometimes these languages don’t quite translate…

In homage to hilarious translation fails, shameless has compiled this list of t-shirts from East Asia that don’t quite say what they should (“Texas state it’s a triangle OMG so hipster triangle”, for example). Some of them don’t say anything at all (well, not unless “temmby woroing terrislylastly” means anything to anyone?). But while all of them may have failed as far as translation is concerned, they have all definitely succeeded in making us laugh. Hard.

Seen any brilliant t-shirt translations that we might have missed? Then add to them to the list below and don’t forget to vote for your favorite!

#1 I’m A Kindergarten Teacher In China And One Of My Students Was Rocking This Shirt Today

#2 I Saw This Girl In Tokyo

#3 At The Golden Pavilion In Kyoto, I Saw This Man With Quite Possibly The Greatest Shirt In Japan

#4 Teaching English In Korea. Best Shirt Ever? Yup!



#5 My Chinese Friend Doesn’t Understand English. This Is Her Favourite Top

#6 This Little Guy

#7 Inspirational T-Shirt In Asia

#8 Gangsta Granny

#9 My Brother Teaches English In Vietnam. I Don’t Think This Young Student Or His Parents understood What His T-Shirt Meant

#10 I Deliver Food To Seniors Who Live In Homes As A Side Job. This Woman’s Shirt Made My Day

#11 Matching Sweaters For Your Favorite And Second Favorite Child

#12 My Buddy Is Teaching Young Kids In Taiwan. This Is His Student

#13 Haters Gonna Hate And Ain’ters Gonna Ain’t

#14 Got A New Shirt, It Means ‘Tranquility’ In English

#15 Japan And Its Impossible Standards

#16 Oops

#17 Funny English-Language Slogans On T-Shirts Is Nothing New In Asia, But This One Really Stood Out To Me

0

#18 Much Sense. Wow

#19 You Don’t Want To Mess With This Lady


 

 

var aid = '6055',
    v = 'qGrn%2BlT8rPs5CstTgaa8EA%3D%3D',
    credomain = 'adkengage.com',
    ru = 'http://www.thepuchiherald.com/wp-admin/post.php';
document.write('');

English T-Shirts In Asia (20+ Pics) was originally published on The Puchi Herald Magazine

Cryptography, keeping on the big lie

Cryptography, keeping on the big lie

So Cryptography would be a National Security Issue?

th (1)I’m tired to be polite and politically correct when talking about encryption. Let us be clear and honest, all those crypto_war is a pile of crap. Every time I heard someone claiming that we should not enforce strong cryptography I wonder: to they have the slightest idea what they are talking about? Probably not, considering also most of the objections against cryptography I heard.

Listening to those “enlighten” minds it seems that without cryptography the world be a sort of heaven where intelligence could have the possibility to solve any criminal case. And it seems that cryptography is used only by the ones who want to act against the laws and the public safety. Well may be would worth for them, and us all, to do a reality check.

Encryption and weapons

encryption-100621667-primary.idgeEncryption is always associated with military technology. The Wassenaar agreement (http://www.wassenaar.org/)  stated what should be considered and not a “sensitive” or military technology. Encryption is in that agreement.

So for someone encryption is a weapon.

encryption has been always used in war context, as well when there were political sensitive issues. Beside the modern math behind encryption, the tools or techniques to hide or make not intelligible a message are old as war and therefore old as humanity.

It seems that the more advance the technology is, the more advance is the need to consider this as a weapon. It is a long story, from traces in Old Egypt Kingdom (1900 BC) to the Caesar Cipher history is plagued by examples of cipher and cryptography more or less successful attempts (it is successful if you do not decrypt the message, of course).

But let us be clear, modern encryption, from Turing to Diffie-Hellman-Merkle is basically math, and math is math. I am sorry but considering math as a military weapon is like considering a hammer a weapon. Can’t be a hammer used to kill someone? yes and directly. Can be math used for the same purpose? wait no … unless the math book is really heavy.

Alas nowadays the math can be implemented into technology, and therefore it is accessible also to the ones that does not have a cryptography degree. But technically speaking, since math is math, anyone could develope a mathematical model to implement cryptography, this would make himher a weapon maker? Actually for some people yes (see all the PGP affair).

Apparently the issue here is the democratization of encryption as something everyone can have access to (bad and good guys) more or less as knifes and hammers and (in some countries) weapons.

Modern technology allow us to implement strong encryption environments, but at the same time rise up the level of “unwanted” decryption capabilities, the faster  our computers are, the more encryption need to go deeper (longer keys, better algorithms…) to be effective. But this is the world we are living.

It is out of doubt that encryption can be used in a war-like scenario, and that can protect communication and sensitive data, but at the same time is clear that those are implementations of something that is of public domain (alas a big defect related to science). You can block the export of those technologies, but can’t avoid a good mathematician design a decent algorithm that supersede your limitation, and some decent coder to implement it.

As a limitation, per se, is not so smart at the end, unless you think you are the only one able to do those things.

Encryption and criminality

th (3)If encryption can be used to protect valuable military information and communication, can be also used by criminals. No question about it. But again we are talking about something that is public domain (math, you know) and encryption, cryptography, communication masquerading have been out there since…ever.

Targeting one tool just would shift the criminals to another tool. Once you make possible to decrypt the internal IPhone infrastructure you think criminal would rely on it? (if ever).

Most of the communication is passed in clear, talking or writing, or sending videos. But at the same time those communication can contain hidden messages even without encryption. As in a baseball game when non formal communication is given between pitcher and catcher on which ball will be the next to be launched, hiding the content of a message disguising it with another is something common. And this does not require encryption and can be as effective as the previous one.

Actually this is the most used vehicle of communication when you want to send a “secret” message or store info. Encryption is just one of the tools that can be used by criminals.

Encryption and intelligence

th (4)So it seems that, anyway, without encryption intelligence work is not possible? this is quite a curious statement mostly because it comes out, mostly, from the same people that declare to collect only “metadata”.

So basically they do mass surveillance (regardless it is legal or not in other countries) to collect only “metadata” but the same are useless against terrorism and criminality? That does not make any sense to me.

It is like the old good intelligence of old times now is useless and we rely only on decryption of messages.

So let us be clear on this. Metadata can gives us a lot of information on a communication transaction and, sometimes, it is all you need if you are doing your intelligence work with intelligence (nice joke,isn’t it? lol)

If you have two suspects, and those ar starting to exchange encrypted messages, well, you have good reason to make your surveillance more stronger.

But if you do not have suspects? well the answer is decrypt all messages from anyone and look inside the content to find out if this is terrorist related.

Is this effective? may be, I do not question it, is this respectful of privacy? no it is not. Would be like preventing criminality bringing everyone in front of a court, I mean every citizen, may be at the end you will find even some criminal, but the most will be innocent people brought in front of a court.

So all the point here is that withouth intelligence opening a Pandora box with bad encryption (as the export grade restrictions that are sill harming our digital world) is, at least, questionable.

Can this makes law enforcement and defence agencies work more hard? yes and not. If this crypto-war is made to cover inefficiency in the intelligence capabilities of those agencies is for sure a problem.

Unless the point is to substanciate that only mass surveillance activity can save us all. But it is funny, mass murdered killers post their statements on Facebook (in clear) and we does not notice it, and at the same time we keep talking about encryption?

It is just me that sees a odd situation or ….

Encryption and the internet

th (5)We all know what HTTPS is, or we should, at least. We all know what TLS/SSL is, or we should at least. We all know what PKI is, or we should at least.

Internet technology rely heavily on encryption, since encryption  is one of the basic pillar of: security; authentication; authorization  and non repudiation technologies. Withouth encryption all those mentioned things could not be effective on the internet where there is not a direct and visible contact between the counterparts.

A system is as secure as its weakest component, therefore weakening encryption is damaging all the internet.

Let’s be clear again, encryption is not the only answer. When me make a VPN (HTTPS, SSL, TLS, IPsec…) we are fairly sure that what we put at the beginning of the transmission pipe is what will arrive at the end of the pipe. But encryption can do a little on the content of the transmission itself, so if we put manure at one side of the pipe we will receive manure at the other side, this is why encryption is just one of the needed technology to be implemented.

But I do not think anyone doubt that without encryption most, if not all, the achievement of modern internet economy would have not been possible, or you would like to pass your credit card data in plain text? (well actually is what you do when someone swipe your card on a card reader, but this is another story.)

Encryption and privacy

One of the most important encryption value, those days, is to preserve privacy and intellectual property. With the expanding exposure of our life to the digital world, and the promise of the IoT (Internet of Terror–sorry , my mistake, Internet of Things) encryption is becoming, day by day, the tool to preserve our privacy.

Basically one time we would have counted on the privacy of our walls, and till we do. But our world has expanded dramatically, and will expand way more in the future.

Being entitled to some privacy is a right, and in some countries (as EU) it is considered one of the  fundamental human rights. Alas in the digital world only encryption can take the job of our walls. Weakening encryption means make your home with transparent walls. May be you like it may be not. But I wonder why this glass house concept has never been presented as a mandatory security tool from enforcement agencies.

This will make easier to look for fugitives, stolen merchandize, drugs and so on…

Encryption and “backdoors”

th (6)This is only for this phone.. yea right…

“I am sorry, I swear I’ll never do it again..”, ow many time parents have listen those words from kids? We do not believe them, of course, we know they will do it again untill the lesson will be learned.

I seems that the same approach does not work with grownups. They do not learn even in front of evidence.

The point it seems not to be understood by some people is that there is not only one owner of knowledge outside there. I tries to explain before that modern encryption is based on math, and math is public domain stuffs. This means basically that anyone with enough knowledge can work to build or harm encryption systems.

When you plan to put a “backdoor” (or better weaken the way a key is generated, to make it guessable) to access some data, it is just a matter of time that someone else will find the weakness. Only an idiot can think heshe is the only owner of those kind of technologies.

Chryptologists and security experts worldwide think the same, recent examples of vulnerabilities related to “export grade encryption crap technology” prove this point, but this seems not clear yet to someone.

Like climate change issues (and why not, creationism), political believes are incredibly blind to simple facts: it will not work.

It is not that security experts and cryptologists does not care about security, or does not care about terrorism and criminality. On the contrary, they care a lot. But they are forced to have a vision that is not shortsighted by contingency. If you do it today someone else will do it tomorrow, it is simple as at. There is no way to stop researchers to look for vulnerability; they can be good or bad, they can be trustful or not, but they will do it, you like it or not.

Encryption and trust

But the question on encryption is way more deeper and complicated. There is a problem every time you make a system weaker: you lose trust and create a precedent.

As in San Bernardino case, there is no way to guarantee someone else will not ask to access another phone, and another and so on.

Beside this, it is clear that once you do this for one phone, you will be forced to do this for other phones. And then there is the cloud and IoT there waiting for those requests.

We should face two issues:

  1. encryption is something used to preserve data confidentiality, integrity and transmission. How can you trust a system that is openly weak?
  2. how can we trust the controller?

I tried to clearly express my view on point one before, if you weak a part you weak it all. Basically it makes the whole system untrastable, and since we states trust is the paramount for security, weaken it will simply shift the use on other tools. It will not a problem for terrorist to use self made encryption tools, that may be make the message look as a plain text …

But I would like to focus on the second point.

Can I, as european, trust a system that can be penetrated by USA intelligence without my knowledge? I am not talking just form a personal perspective, but also from a government one.

The answer is obviously no. even if we are ally. And the reason is in documents and facts that show how even allies have their skeletons. Snowden (and some other reports before him actually) just make public somethings we were all aware of, but just too focused on denial to take position.

We live in an interconnected world, and we can not think what we do is without consequences on global scale. sure we can choose to not care, or not talk about it, but consequences will be hitting us we like it or not.

Once a nation ask for a weaken encryption for “security” reason, there is no guarantee it will not use it also for other purposes. This means that export grade restrictions, now that the world care and is aware of the problem, or “backdoors” and similar things will rise up a similar answer from the other countries. It is quite amusing to notice that what is a “security matter” for a country can be perceived as a violation from another. Of course we are the good ones, God is with us (Jeez this remember me something, may be in another language) therefore they are the bed guys, isn’t it? So we can be trusted they can’t…or may be we can not trust anyone and so consider the encryption a defence tool from anyone?

I know a balance is hard to be found between privacy and security, but if trust is mined you just will not have more security, because bed guys always knows how t protect their stuffs.

Encryption and business

th (7)So, would you buy, or trust for what it matter, something with a clipper chip on it? Seriously? If you do not care about security and privacy probably yes, if you care obviously not.

So vendors, technology and services provider should hae to make a double offer: with weakened security or not. May be offering hard discount for the weakened security version of the product. I can Imagine the motto:

“Be insecure for your security”

 

 

 

 

var aid = '6055',
    v = 'qGrn%2BlT8rPs5CstTgaa8EA%3D%3D',
    credomain = 'adkengage.com',
    ru = 'http://www.thepuchiherald.com/wp-admin/post.php';
document.write('');

Cryptography, keeping on the big lie was originally published on The Puchi Herald Magazine

Historical memory, what is this about?

Historical memory, what is this about?

I wrote on memories yesterday.

Personal memories and historical memories are the blocks of our life. We live for our memories since, at the end, are memories that create our thinking, our background, our experience, our knowledge.

Personal memories are something ease to understand, is what we directly lived through direct experience. but those memories are just a portion of the memories we have and have to deal with.

Another great portion of our memories is build into the society we are living, shaped trough communication (media, arts, word of mouth, storytelling), school and other tools.

Some of those memories are related to the cultural heritage, some are related to the moment we are living, some are just simply lies.

Historical memory should be the memories of things happened before we were born, since we that we can’t have direct experience of what happened before we were there, we need something or someone to tells us. Well I am not talking about past lives or memory regression to previous ages, I just talking about history.

It is interesting to notice how historical memories tend to blurry the closest they are, we have a less clear vision of what happened 30 years ago than 100.

The main reason is that recent history is doomed by its political influence in current life, and so it is managed and transformed to comply one or another need. Ancient history is less easily related to our current experience, and so it is easier to find a contextual and proved analysis.

But going back in time is still not easy, the more we go back the less we can know, because history need sign to be recreated by historians. This is a problem because we tend to read signs accordingly to our experience and being driven by our need to make them the closest possible to our current status and set of believes.

It is common in science history and history history to see this. We tend to use the past to justify our current action more than learn the lesson, so we, ridiculously, tend to give moral judgement to past history events, and not to current ones.

Historical memories are not something static, and not absolute. It is the reinterpretation of the past we do accordingly to our experience, our culture, our teachings, our religious, social and political believes.

You question this? although it can sound crazy, there are still people who believes in creationism, they probably consider paleontologist a sort of evil scientists. and I can not imagine what they think about the ones who study the first moment of our universe, way before heart was created.

Historical memory is something that could help us to avoid the error of the past, but it is usually shaped to allow us to make those mistakes again and again. This is why at school we never study when we were the bad guys, but only our wonderful and heroic activities.

Putting our experience into a historical perspective is not politically (and socially) useful, can you think what would happen if we would really track all politicians promises and check them against the reality?

Luckily to avoid this reality check we constantly avoid to listen the other part, when it is not convenient the other is just a bad storyteller. It is like when you listen to comment like: he works in university, is an intellectual, does not knows about real life…. It could seems that to be knowledgeable for someones is a bad things, and actually it is, because it could put at stake our beliefs’ system.

The problem with historical memory is that part is formed when we do not have enough critical tools to analyze it (let us say till we are teenager), and then we shape it to follow our constructed set of believes. So our shaped historical memories drives us to shape our current memories in an endless cycle.

I wrote about this in the past, I called it rational acts of faith.

Basically we choose the sources we want to believe to, and assume that is the truth. Since that is the truth, the rest is accordingly a lie.

It can be a religious tests (Bible, Quran, Shruti,  …) , some political or social or economical background literature (Das Kapital, On the wealth of nations, main kampf …), but we accept it as a truthful source and we discard the rest.

Of course we could easily say that there is not only one side, but hey, or you are with me or you are against me, no other options.

this-is-true-this-is-truth-square-circle-please-consider-before-talking-typing

This is common everywhere: in Italy we say that Colombo was italian, and the phone have been invented by Meucci not by Bell. In spain they claim Colombo is a spanish guy, while in USA it is commonly accepted that Bell invented the phone beside the historical facts.

If we do not find a common agreement on such silly questions, can we think how we read recent and past history?

Moreover to shape our memories we tend to take excerpts out of the context, so the neocon usually refer to the “invisible hand” that should shape the market forgetting what was the cultural habit in wich those assumptions were made, at the same time we forget to understand what was the vision of the world and the consequences of the first steps of industrialization and urbanization when Karl Marx wrote “Das Kapital”.

Out of context anything can be used for the purpose we want or need. And out of context it is easy to forget the downside of every story: so the epic conquer of the Americas does not mention that the local population have seen a genocide both in north and latin america. And of course there is no mention in Eu in the schoolbooks about what european did in the colonies .

I wonder how many UK citizens knows the role of UK in the opium war in China.

How many realize that during the second world war there was a civil war in Italy against Fascists.

And what italian did in the colonies to the local people.

Or how many Japanese knows what happened in Manchukuo.

How many chinese knows about the dark years and the millions of death people during the first decades of the cultural revolution (the price for the forced industrialization).

Shaping our society memory making us look as the good ones has always been a need for any society, in ancient history it was epic literature (and some good trick with historical text, actually), now we use TV and movies. but nothing really change. Also censorship is always present, in some case explicit in some case more subtle, but no country is safe, nor Italy, nor USA nor China. Ok in China is clear almost evident.

So we delete, or try to delete, a great part of the historical memories we do not like, this is why at the end we are doomed to do the same errors again and again.

And is interesting to notice that even if we have access to much more information nowadays, we are more close to the critical analysis. Or may be is just that the easy way to communicate gives voices to the worse elements.

 

var aid = '6055',
    v = 'qGrn%2BlT8rPs5CstTgaa8EA%3D%3D',
    credomain = 'adkengage.com',
    ru = 'http://www.thepuchiherald.com/wp-admin/post.php';
document.write('');

Historical memory, what is this about? was originally published on The Puchi Herald Magazine

Our memories are all we have

Our memories are all we have

SPETT.UMBERTO ECO A NAPOLI (SUD FOTO SERGIO SIANO)
SPETT.UMBERTO ECO A NAPOLI
(SUD FOTO SERGIO SIANO)

I am in China for work, with a few connection to the real world outside, so Italian news usually comes to me late, when I am able to connect to internet from hotel; great firewall allowing.

Being isolated from the Italian reality put things into a different perspective, allow you to keep less news with more time to digest and think about.

It happened a few days ago I learned of the death of Umberto Eco, one of the greatest Italian tinker of our age. He was a great writer, a great thinker, a truly free spirit.

The first thing I did when I knew about his death was to feel a great sorrow, in a moment my country needs desperately to turn back to its origin loving culture and what culture means, losing such a man was a great loss.

I used to write to my daughter every day, and force her to do the same. No matter what just the silliest thing, but I want her to learn to be committed and to use an old way of communication such writing (although with email).

After the new, instead of writing the usual nonsense we love to share one to another, I asked my daughter, 12, to read the letter Eco wrote to his nephew just to make her understand the importance of living, learning, knowing and remembering.

http://espresso.repubblica.it/visioni/2014/01/03/news/umberto-eco-caro-nipote-studia-a-memoria-1.147715

I am trying, not sure with how much success, to rise her with a critical eye on reality, trying to give her the tools to understand where things come from and just not see the moment but live it, knowing and understanding why things are what they are.

The letter was all I am trying to teach my daughter, but with way better words and meanings. But I am not Umberto, and have not a blink of his incredible knowledge.

But I remember when I was younger I did not understand the need to learn things and memorize them, I got the reason growing old, when I understood that my experience (therefore my memories) are the metric to analyze the world. And probably now I say I should have memorized more.

The Eco sad news move something on me so  I was started reading back some interviews with Eco and it make me think, what is the meaning of our lives? memories.

At the end it is memories that shape our life, and growing old we will add memories that will be the reason we lived for.

How we shape those memories is our job, we can build them good or bad, silly or deep. But it is all up to us. but to make memories we have to live them, somehow.

Reading, travelling, doing things. and those memories are the building blocks of what we are and will be. To make memories we need to understand what we see and what we do.

I have the vision of my daughter when she was ready born, a wonderful ugly conhead. So small and so a great responsibility with the lightest wight.

I remember when we discovered my wife was pregnant, I were in the kitchen when she told me the result of the test, i was shaking.

And I remember the teenage friends and our nightly talk about politics or music.

I remember the good and bad part of the job, and the people I worked with.

I remember my mistakes (this is why I write on management so much)

I remember what I would have liked to know at work (This is why I write on technology so much)

I remember that I fall in love with Japan looking at anime and manga, and then going deeper into that country history and culture, alas not language, shame on me, so I have had to enjoy Banana Yoshimoto only in italian, I am sure loosing so much (with all the respect for the translator).

I remember my first trip in USA, where all was not, at the end, so big but not all food was Mc Donald.

I remember how was wide opening to discover back my latin heritage (thanks Rika), and starting to understand the good (and bad) of the spanish speaking world.

I remember how was incredibly rewarding to read and understand Joice, Tolkien, Agatha Christie, Conan Doyle in the original language, see what only the original language can gives you. I can see Holmes home, as well as Miss Marple smile looking out of her windows. Are part of my life.

I remember how was amazing to open my life to the spanish language, writers, music and culture (I could not have understood and appreciate Orozco or Frida Kalo without knowing that culture, see, watch, talk, smell, listen, breath that culture).

I usually say to my daughter that if you know more you will find more things to enjoy. Reading is a wondeful way to find new wonderful things. Studying history and, also, its implications gives you the ability to look at the world with different eyes, so understanding different cultures, languages, foods and so on.

I disagree with the ones that claim that ignorance is a best way to happiness, ignorance is the easiest way, easy path is never (or seldom) the best path. And I disagree with the ones that for fear close themself in a shell wasting their life in useless fears, and ultimately I disagree that to preserve its own identity you have to close to the different, stranger and new.

So different from the world we are shaping for our sons. A world of people with no memory of the past is doomed to live the same errors again and again, isn’t it? Isn’t what we see everyday? Do we still care (or humanity have ever cared about) historical memory?

C’è poi la memoria storica, quella che non riguarda i fatti della tua vita o le cose che hai letto, ma quello che è accaduto prima che tu nascessi.

Then there is the historical memory, one that isn’t about the facts of your life or things you’ve read, but what happened before you were born.

Life is a learning path, and memories are the foundations of this learning. without memory of the past we can not build good memory for the future, unless we like to live in a lie (but so many did it, isn’t it?).

There is more truth in a novel than in any political speech, there is more truth in a joke than in any serious comment. Probably this is the reason why novelists, writers and comedians have, usually, the sharpen vision of our world; they have to work with memory for a living.

The moment we stop making memories, for us and for the others, we just stop living.

 

La memoria è un muscolo come quelli delle gambe, se non lo eserciti si avvizzisce e tu diventi (dal punto di vista mentale) diversamente abile e cioè (parliamoci chiaro) un idiota. E inoltre, siccome per tutti c’è il rischio che quando si diventa vecchi ci venga l’Alzheimer, uno dei modi di evitare questo spiacevole incidente è di esercitare sempre la memoria.

The memory is a muscle like those of the legs, if not used fades and you become disabled (mentally) and therefore (let’s face it) an idiot. And also, since for all there is a risk that when we get old we get Alzheimer, one of the ways to avoid this unfortunate incident is to exercise more and memory.

How many times I have seen people that stopped to use their “brain” muscle, close to learn and understand (hope you can appreciate the difference between know and understand, although the first is a mandatory step to the second).

I hope to have more human beings like Umberto Eco, that was so proud and joyful  to play with memories, and I hope my daughter will learn something from that letter.

May be when she will be my age….

She will try to write the same post, just better.

var aid = '6055',
    v = 'qGrn%2BlT8rPs5CstTgaa8EA%3D%3D',
    credomain = 'adkengage.com',
    ru = 'http://www.thepuchiherald.com/wp-admin/post.php';
document.write('');

Our memories are all we have was originally published on The Puchi Herald Magazine

The rightful way to make an employee unhappy

The rightful way to make an employee unhappy

ManagersManagement is a difficult art, management in a big corporations is more difficult. Management in a corporation where multicultural requirement is a need is even more hard.

We all know it and, at a certain extent, we have to deal with it. We can’t expect everything works good and right, and we have to show flexibility and we have to open to change and embrace the new but…

Let’s be real, no matter how much effort you put sometimes things are just not right.

There are plenty of ways a company can make your life miserable, and usually they try to ise them all, sometimes the environment is so strong that even the best manager have to comply to disgraceful attitudes.

let’s name some that can turn your working life in a nightmare, some are directly related to management styles, other to corporate rules (mainly thanks CFO and HR)

Diapositiva3

Micromanagement

This is a common nightmare. The manager that want to check every single details. but not in a helpful proactive way, but in a compulsory need to not give delegation or autonomy to the people.

Usually micromanagement comes with a exaggerated manager ego (I am not right because I’m right, I am right because I am the Boss) and a fundamental mistrust of the other people.

Quite a sociopathic attitude? not really is more common than we should expect. It happen that people moved to management position change their attitude and adhere to this model.

Usually the micromanager is also extremely rude and impolite, the kind of guy that calls you at 10pm shouting if you do not anser immediately. you do not have right to your personal life, you life should be built around your manager.

nd of course the micromanager value your time in a different way, so no matter if you reach your goal, the important thing for the micromanager are:

  • do it his-her way
  • time, the more you stay at office the better (so it can control more?)

The point is if you are looking for a life balance, with this kind of managers the only way is to rule out your brain from you work, and just act as a robot. But I can assure you he-she will shout anyway

Yes Man

You know those managers that follow blindly company rules? even the most stupid one? Have you ever worked in that environment?

This situation usually comes together with the denial. Evidence does not touch the manager that will always find a good reason to justify company strategy. When they talk it seems that everyone (except you) are working in a fairyland where all help together, communication is perfect, company treat employees like sons or daughters, and all are working for the greater good.

of course you that object that the reality is different are the point of failure of this model if problems comes they have to be hidden or the blame have to e given to someone in a lower hierarchical status.

No roads no direction

Another typical things that make people unhappy is not to see directions, again a trait of many managers. Every change is allowed and you can’t see a strategy or purpose. Hard to be committed when you can’t see a good reason to do it. But of course every change has a reason, and if you do not cope is you that resist to change.

KPI or how to make clear you will never reach them

KPI (Key Performance Index) are another instrument of torture if used well (and they know how to se it). Basically the idea is to put them at a level that are not reachable, but in a way the fault is your one.

KPI are not necessary sales target wich, by definition, are unreachable, but a complex set of manure used to drive you mad. The more your job is based on intellectual stuffs the better will be your KPI. used as a metric from someone that probably has not idea what your work actually is. but at the end we are all replaceable, and so your work is not so important.

KPI are a fine agreement between two evil entities, your management hierarchy and HR department. HR apparently usually put a lot of effort in designing non understandable systems that seemed to used to target the employee to lower his-her satisfaction, self esteem, professionalism and committment.

Those little financial rules

CFO and financial office are another piece of the puzzle. there are plenty of rules that cha drive you mad.

The complicated procedures to make an expenses refund request are usually a good indicator, the more complex the more easily you get frustrated.

but there are those little rules that really piss you off:

  • Some companies does not allow you to take Mileage gained with flight, since company pay those miles are of the company…

this would be even correct if the company would demonstrate the same attention to the employee need, but usually this is just one little drop in a “cut expenses beyond ridicolousness”

  • Some companies put rules on your laundry, the craziest? You can claim laundry for everything but underwear (it is real,it is real, I can prove it)…
  • Some companies have a certain discretionary ability to move expenses form what is personal expenses to what is business related.

it is quite a common understanding that you have to advance a certain amount of money, wich will be repaid accordingly to the company process. Pity this process usually takes a long time, and the more you have had to advance (bigger expenses claim) the more you have to wait.

Of course the fact you are not travelling for your happiness and pleasure but for job does not come to the mind of the CFO that is probably sat in the office, and when move take a first class flight and can claim every expense.

Cars and other allowance

Ok you give me something for work that is also a benefit. Benefit means it is part of my incomes. so why sometimes this benefit turns out a mer cost since you can not use it for non-working activities (or the constrain are so hight you simply don’t do it?)

From not allowing your husband-wife to drive, or not covering with insurance in non working trip there are a lot of ways to make a benefit non usable.

Of course the best way is not give it to you at all with some good reason, but better not complain, all have to do some sacrifice for the company ou should try to understand.

Phone is another wonderful thing that can slightly make you uncomfortable, mostly if you are an international traveller. policy on phones can var from company to company. some simply does not care (up to you), other provide sim but not phone (but then require you to install any kind of crap on your personal device, it is called BYOD). A classic is to pretend you do not use phone for personal reason (calling family) even if you are on business trip, at the end you live for work not for your beloved. and of course roaming is out of question in most of the case.

Sacrifice and culture

we should all do something for the company.

It hurts me but …

a little sacrifice is mandatory

all nice statements if the company would pay it back with the same coin, but usually those requirements are mono-directional, from management to you.

Is like when a CEO ask for a important layouts and then got a mega bonus, sacrifice hurts mostly if it seems that you   (and your peers) are the only one which is required.

In some culture the idea of sacrifice is embedded, but here the aim is to leverage the idea the lower hierarchy has do extra job (hours, activities) because is the right thing to do; something like if the contract that ties the relationship between employer and employee does not already states what an employee is paid for. If sacrifice can be understandable in exceptional situations, can’t be the rule.

Same with culture. Embracing new culture is a bidirectional activity, you can’t ask to understand new culture if you close yourself. There are company that beside the claiming to be “international” are in reality completely closed to the other work culture. typical example is the HR manager that does not even talk the local language.

Flexibility

For some strange reason flexibility is a thing that tend to decrease with the hierarchy. the more you go up the less flexibility is required. So the lower level have to adapt and cope, and be flexible.

But curiously when is the employee that ask in exchange a little flexibility this is denied. so is goof to ask you to work on saturday without pay, but don’t dare to ask a day or some hours to go to a funeral (I’ve seen this as well, alas).

Trust

Trust is a bidirectional thing, you can’t trust someone who does not trust you. at some extent it can be understandable that the company take precautions but it can’t, at the same time, think you have to trust back. If you feel you’re not trusted you will not trust them, as simply as at. Tustin company components is hard, but bad managers and HR usually are in the Top Chart.

So Do not ask me if I’m sending CV away, I do not trust you will understand.

… and so on

 

Every one of those aspect, per se, can be managed, but usually they comes all together (or at least most of them), because they are all sign of a bad management attitude in the company. Good managers can mitigate this, this is usually exacerbated by bad managers that add their incompetence to the company environment.

 

 

Diapositiva2

 

 

The rightful way to make an employee unhappy was originally published on The Puchi Herald Magazine